Two Jokes

It's Friday afternoon in the office, and let's admit it... no one ACTUALLY wants to work. Fortunately for me, the weekly "Crow's Nest" e-mail from the project office came through, and with it, two jokes that amused me and brightened my afternoon. Herewith are those jokes, since I reckoned it would possibly please some of our readers too...

The naval stand-off story
Americans:
Please divert your course 15 degrees North to avoid a collision.
Canadians:
Recommend you divert YOUR course 15 degrees South to avoid collision.
Americans:
This is the captain of a US navy ship; I say again divert your course.
Canadians:
No. I say again, you divert YOUR course.
Americans:
THIS IS THE AIRCRAFT CARRIER USS LINCOLN, THE SECOND LARGEST SHIP IN THE UNITED STATES' ATLANTIC FLEET. WE ARE ACCOMPANIED BY THREE DESTROYERS, THREE CRUISERS AND NUMEROUS SUPPORT VESSELS. I DEMAND THAT YOU CHANGE YOUR COURSE 15 DEGREES NORTH, THAT'S ONE FIVE DEGREES NORTH, OR COUNTER-MEASURES WILL BE UNDERTAKEN TO ENSURE THE SAFETY OF THIS SHIP.
Canadians:
We are a lighthouse; your call.

Corporate Cannibals

A big corporation hired several cannibals. "You are all part of our team now," said the HR manager during the welcome briefing. "You get all the usual benefits and you can go to the cafeteria for something to eat, but please don't eat any of the other employees." The cannibals promised they would not.

A few weeks later the cannibals' boss remarked, "You're all working very hard, and I'm satisfied with you. However, one of our secretaries has disappeared. Do any of you know what happened to her?" The cannibals all shook their heads, "No," they said.

After the boss left, the leader of the cannibals said to the others angrily, "Right, which one of you idiots ate the secretary?"

A hand rose hesitantly in admission. "You fool!" said the leader, "For weeks we've been eating managers and no one noticed anything, but nooo, you had to go and eat someone important!..."

Tags: